Over-reacting or just cashing in stamps?

Ever notice when something small happens yet our reaction to it feels bigger than expected or even completely out of proportion?

Am I simply overreacting, or is there something more going on?

I came across the “book of stamps” metaphor in Transactional Analysis that felt surprisingly accurate for me.

The idea is this…

Every time you feel something but don’t express it, process it or act on it, you “collect a stamp”. You store it away.

You might do this for good reasons:

• You want to keep the peace.

• It doesn’t feel worth it in the moment.

• You’re not quite sure what you’re feeling.

• You don’t want to be seen as difficult.

So you say nothing and you move on. But the feeling doesn’t disappear. It gets stored.

Do that often enough and you end up with a full book of stamps.

And at some point, you cash them in!

That’s the moment where something relatively small tips you over the edge. The reaction comes out sharper, louder or heavier than the situation seems to warrant. Not because you’re irrational, but because you’re not reacting to just this moment. You’re reacting to everything that’s been saved up in your stamp book.

The question therefore becomes less about “Why did I overact!” and more about “What have I not been saying?”

Interestingly, the suggestion is most of us tend to collect the same type of stamp. Some people store irritation until it becomes anger. Others store hurt until it becomes withdrawal. These patterns are often well-rehearsed, learned early and repeated without much awareness.

So what do you do with this?

Not everything needs to be said immediately and not everything needs to be said out loud. This isn’t about becoming reactive or confrontational. It’s about staying closer to your experience as it’s happening.

A few simple shifts help:

• Notice earlier – catch the feeling when it’s still small and manageable.

• Name it, even privately – “That annoyed me” or “That didn’t sit well.”

• Choose a response – sometimes it’s a conversation, others it’s a boundary. Sometimes it’s just acknowledging it and letting it go deliberately rather than by default.

The point is to avoid unconscious accumulation and be aware of what’s building. When you don’t, it finds its own way out. And that’s rarely well-timed or well-judged!

If a reaction feels bigger than the moment, it’s worth pausing before judging it.

There’s a good chance you’re not overreacting. You’re cashing in.