The place of praise in coaching

One of the subtle challenges I’ve wrestled with in my own practice as a coach and supervisor over the years is the place of praise.

On the surface, praise looks like a good thing. Who wouldn’t want to hear “that's brilliant” or “well done” in a coaching conversation? It sounds encouraging, affirming, even motivational.

And yet there are potential pitfalls.

Carl Rogers talked about unconditional positive regard – valuing the person without condition or judgement. But praise is arguably full of judgement, however well-meaning. It says: I approve of what you’ve just done. And if I approve now, perhaps I won’t next time. That creates dependency and narrows curiosity.

Instead, how can we show appreciation without evaluation?

Nancy Kline’s Thinking Environment reminds us that appreciation is most powerful when it is specific and descriptive:

Praise: “That’s really good.”

Appreciation: “When you paused before answering, it seemed to deepen your thinking.”

The shift is subtle but important – one closes the loop, the other opens it.

How might practising a simple flow of observation, impact and invitation help us? Noticing what happened, naming its effect, then ask the client what they see in it keeps ownership where it belongs – with them.

And is this the heart of it? Is praise too often about the 'praisee', whereas appreciation and observation are about the person we are working with?

When I hold clients in unconditional positive regard, I don’t need to judge. I can simply notice, reflect and invite. And in that space, growth happens.