You are the Author [and Editor] of Your Own Story

Stories are the way we make sense of our lives. But what happens when the stories we tell are misleading or incomplete or just wrong? That's an important message from Lori Gottlieb's TED Talk that I keep coming back to.

I spend a lot of time noticing how often we become trapped inside the story we've constructed about what’s happening, who’s right, what something “means”, or who we believe we are. And once those stories solidify, so do the reactions, assumptions and patterns that follow.

What I appreciate about Lori’s work is that it doesn’t position therapy, reflection or self-awareness as something only for people in crisis. Instead, she gently reminds us that being human is messy, contradictory and relational – and that much of our growth comes from being willing to look more honestly at ourselves.

A key takeaway from her talk is how we might become better editors of these stories. We all create narratives to make sense of our lives, but those narratives are often partial, selective and emotionally loaded. We highlight certain moments, minimise others and fill gaps with assumptions that feel like facts.

As “unreliable narrators”, humans naturally shape stories around blame, certainty or helplessness without fully realising it. People can become trapped in rigid narratives about themselves such as “I’m unlucky” or “Nothing ever changes” or “This is just who I am”.

Over time, the story becomes less like a perspective and more like an identity.

Her point is not that difficult things haven’t happened. It’s that the meaning we attach to those experiences profoundly shapes how we live next. As she suggests, the way we narrate our lives influences what they become.

I also found myself reflecting on her idea that therapy – and perhaps any genuinely reflective conversation – helps people move from certainty to curiosity. Instead of endlessly rehearsing the same version of events, people begin to ask:

• What might I be editing out of this story?

• What role am I playing?

• What assumptions have I turned into truth?

• What if there’s another interpretation available to me?

That feels especially relevant in organisations at the moment. Under pressure, people often move quickly into fixed stories about leaders, colleagues, culture or themselves. Once those narratives settle, they shape behaviour, relationships and emotional reactions in ways that can become self-reinforcing.

A few headlines that stood out for me:

• We are often less objective about our own lives than we think.

• The stories we tell ourselves shape our emotions, behaviours and relationships.

• We are constantly editing our experiences, often without realising it.

• Many people are living inside narratives that no longer serve them.

• Taking the perspective of another “character” in the story can radically shift understanding, empathy and possibility.

  
  

It’s a thought-provoking presentation that feels particularly relevant in a world where many people are exhausted, reactive and carrying more than others realise.

Watch Lori's TED talk here: https://youtu.be/O_MQr4lHm0c

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_MQr4lHm0c